she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize