I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
