you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
