I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
