She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
