is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
A+ Viking dick
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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