Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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