Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
