her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
