3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
