hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
