It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This is my gift to your gina
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
