forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am spending my child support on dildos
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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