OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
