if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
