i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
