Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
