I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
