some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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