pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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