I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
