when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
