My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
