dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
