I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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