shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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