Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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