She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
