Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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