he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize