Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
