between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
