pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
