____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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