Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
