is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize