I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
