I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
