Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize