It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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