Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
