Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
