You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
