my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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