Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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