I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
