i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
