life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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