Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
