I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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