I love black thongs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
