12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
