just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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