am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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