I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
