i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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