You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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