I think im going to throw up on grandma
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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