When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize