so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
