Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
