So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
