Your face is a jimmy john
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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