I faked an abortion last night.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
