I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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