dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
