This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
