Where did you get a picture of my penis
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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