Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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