So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
