Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
