I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
