Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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