i think i have herpe
just one?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
