So drunk, too bad you don't want this
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
