So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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