took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
