He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
