My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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