yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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