mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
