I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
