Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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