do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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