3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
