the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
