i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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