Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
did i just pee glitter
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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