You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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