I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
