Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
