There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize