He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
