In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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