If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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