If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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