its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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