I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
