the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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