I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
