Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
