Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
