We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize